Holiday boundaries

No. Such a small word, but so powerful that we sometimes find it impossible to say. We might fear conflict, feel a need to be universally liked, or want to avoid disappointing someone. However tough it feels, setting and maintaining healthy boundaries – like saying no – is vital for our mental health.

In order to recognise that ‘no’ can make space for ‘yes’, it can be helpful to work out why it feels so hard. After that, it’s all down to practice. Here are some thoughts to get you started.

• Start small. No, you don’t want another chocolate / drink / mince pie. Feel the power of not succumbing to the pressure!
• Think before saying yes. Give yourself a little time and space to consider your own needs before you respond.
• Be unique. Just because ‘everyone else’ is spending more money than they have on the season’s must-have gift doesn’t mean you need to. Aim to set, and stick to, a realistic budget for presents, food and outings.

Fun fact: the ‘everyone else’ argument is almost always untrue.

• How bad will it feel if you say no to what’s being asked of you. Guilt? Worry? Fear? Remorse? Shame? Whilst these are uncomfortable feelings, can you bear them in order to prioritise your own needs and emotional wellbeing? Healthy coping strategies – and professional support – can help us face, feel, and let go of big emotions like this.
• Assess the wider impact of a no. Maybe you absolutely can’t say no this year to Boxing Day with the neighbours… because it means that next year, and the one after, you can.
• Feeling brave? Say no to everything for a day, just to see how it feels! You can always change your mind later.
• Find the balance. Often, we instinctively say no to protect ourselves. Sometimes a yes is the ideal way to challenge ourselves, grow, and achieve something amazing.
• Be as kind and compassionate to yourself as you are to others. A little time spent focussing on your own needs can help you to relax and recharge. If you start to feel like you’re not meeting expectations – someone else’s or your own – take some time to reflect on what you’ve achieved this year; or practice gratitude and find five small things to be grateful for.

Having healthy boundaries isn’t selfish. Instead it’s a practice that can prevent stress, protect relationships, and promote better mental health. It places value on you, your time, your energy, and your health. Is that too much to ask? Altogether now… NO!